Why narcissist marry

Please try again. Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content. Your child's birthday or due date. Girl Boy Other Not Sure. Add A Child. Something went wrong. Please contact support fatherly. Like fatherly on Facebook. Something went wrong please contact us at support fatherly. The narcissist chooses spouses that will help them meet their end goal.

A narcissist views marriage as something that will benefit them. They will not haphazardly enter into a marriage. Although a marriage might come quickly after dating, the narcissist has thought out what benefit their spouse will provide for them. The narcissist has been on the hunt for a spouse they think will serve their needs best.

The narcissist chooses to marry the person they believe they can have the most control over. The narcissist knows that other people are caring and want to please, so they look for people that have these qualities. The narcissist finds the partner with a big heart and strong desire for forgiveness because that allows them to love bomb and rage over and over again while you, the caring individual, work on improving things.

When the narcissist is feeling inferior and needs to refill their supply, they turn to their spouse who says the right things at the right time in the hopes of things going better.

The narcissist is manipulative and controlling and the issues in the marriage are rarely about their spouse. If you were a scapegoat child, it may have felt like you were always wrong and to blame for everything in your family. Understand how to heal. Stonewalling and gaslighting are two tactics people use as defensive or offensive measures.

Learn what they might look like. D on July 18, The following list is not exhaustive, but it is informative: He will always define the terms. You will live by a set of double standards. You will not be listened to. He will never resolve a conflict. He will rarelyconsider your feelings; and will only do so if it serves him some how. He will never apologize. What will matter most to him is how he appearsto others. He will ruin all of your birthdays and holidays probably because somehow he needs to make everything about him.

There will be little to no mutuality, collaboration or cooperation. You will never win. Your value will be diminished to the point of nothingness in his eyes. In fact, mere strangers will hold more weight in his eyes than you will. He will tend tomake you his scapegoat.

A narcissist will never change. I too am married to a narcissist. He has 5 day to week plus bouts of not speaking with any of us and even ignoring our pets which he wanted. Married for the first time after 40 and thought I had found the right one but am not sure how to live a life like this long term.

We tried counseling where he acted all sweet and touchy and I was told I was not receptive to his love. It was horrible. Why would I be. He played the game and he always does and I looked like the bad guy. Where do I go and what do I do?

I think it would be best to explore marital counseling again, however, you must decide if you truly want to salvage the relationship.

If you decide that you do want to salvage your marriage it is important that you confront the discrepancies in your husbands behavior during the therapy. In order for therapy to work you and your husband must both be honest and transparent about the real issues in your relationship. I wish you the best of luck!

Hello my name is serena. I am going on my 10 year anniversary with my husband ,but we been together since I love my kids with all my heart. When they got to where they were able to walk it seemed like after work he would go to the basement and lock the door until I put the kids to bed and they were asleep. Then I got to feeling alone and down because he was always playing computer games.

Plus I was wanting to get back into the work force again because he would tell me his money was his money. Left my mother who was sick and friends I knew all my life. He told me all I needed is the kids and himself to be happy. He always complained and still does about how hard it is to take care of the kids 4 hours while I work in the evenings. Its just the way he says things. Always saying what did I do to deserve this. I actually went to counseling because of his hurtful words. It helped to talk to someone i heard him in the kitchen saying my wife is seeing a counselor and turning my wife against me.

All I know is that this situation has caused me to not even want to trust or let people give me a hug when they notice I need one because I just start to cry. He even asked me which job I would quit if he ever got sick. I said my morning job because the hospital pays more and offers more. He said I see where you stand if I was to get sick even if I had to rest in the evenings you would still work in the evenings. I would rather you work in the mornings.

Plus tries to get me to sell my car which is paid off and is the only thing that is in my name because we purchased a new jeep for the family and only thinks what makes his parents happy and thinks he has to let them know about everything that goes on in our lives.

You were being isolated when he moved you away from your family and when he tried to get you to sell your car. This is part of their subtle narcissistic behaviour. I feel your anguish. I stayed for 30 years. He sold my car, never once in 30 years visited my parents. He actually typed a letter to my father,making it appear to be a letter from me.

This is done to isolate us, so that when the abuse escalates we have no one to turn to. Watch out for parent alienation as my x was a professional at this. It has taken years for my sons to have a relationship with me again. This individual is damaged and mentally ill. Life can be a great deal better. I have been on my own for 15 years and life is good. I am learning to trust again and accept kindness of healthy individuals. My best wishes go with you.

You are capable. I think i am with a narc. Its subtle. I am not so sure as there is no support that side and we have 2 small children. I would suggest you do your research on where your husband would like to move.

Get a better understanding of your rights, the opportunities available, and how this will benefit your family as a whole. You must explore why you believe your husband is trying to isolate you and why you believe your children will be taken away from you prior to considering a significant life change moving. If you do not reconcile your concerns you will be walking into this blindly, hence, ill prepared to manage any challenges related to the potential move.

Hi all Im also in the same position all the boxes are ticked. Im so tired of getting hurt also have 2 small kids but so scared I wont survive financially but I cant carry on like this.

It is like talking to a teenager just arguing nothing get solved ans I just get insulted all the time. My one kid is also starting to show disrespectful behaviour or Maybe its just his age. This relationship is draining me emotionally I dont have any happy left. But its not just that easy as packing up and go. I just which I can get the courage and go. He always wants full attention and freaks out our son whom is 2 is always by me and wants mommy yet he freaks out and gets jealous over that and gets mad at me.

I want to know if this is normal and makes him a narcissist. I have been married many years to a narcissist. When we first dated he was charming, bought me flowers and gifts made me feel beautiful. After the 2nd year his true personality came out. Quick to get angry over nothing and very quick to hold grudges and throw things in my face. Always right never wrong. Uses anyone he meets for his own personal gain. No remorse.

Started his affairs with men and women after our 2nd year together. Lied and denied even after being caught with emails from women declaring their love to him. Used to work hard and be employed then decided to use drugs and go meet men and women for sex instead of working during the day. I used to think it was my fault.. Never enough being with one person. Things he has done to me over the years…accused me of sleeping with co workers…I am not allowed any.

Screams at me for the smallest things…I used the wrong glass for getting him a drink. Not kidding. Screans at me then makes me cry and then tells me to stop crying or he will give me a real reason to cry. Hard to leave due to fear of his actions.. Does it seems like your relationship as ended or about to end?

How can one live with someone who is never wrong about anything and can never apologize? I need someone who can be there for me physically and emotionally and who cares about my feelings.

I deserve to be happy and loved by someone who is willing to try and care about my well-being. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated! I will tell you I ended a 15 year marriage with a narcissist.

Having been out for almost a year I can tell you I am so much happier and healthier. What helped me was reading and learning everything I could about abusive toxic relationships. Nor did my kids. Because we were already doing everything without his help anyhow. He lived only to satisfy his needs. They have eliminated all other options besides one.

If there are children, your number one job is to be a mother and protect them. Leaving is tumultuous because they live a good fight.

If you are being financially controlled and threatened, contact a domestic violence hotline. And TELL someone.. One person can be that lifeline to reality.